Overcoming Creative Shame and Finishing Your First Draft by Bailey Lang
Let’s welcome back Bailey Lang as she shares with us “Overcoming Creative Shame and Finishing Your First Draft.” Enjoy!
***
Writing the first draft of your book can be a daunting task, especially if you are a perfectionist.
The path from “blank page” to “finished manuscript” is long and winding and full of perils — the haunting presence of impostor syndrome, the siren song of endless scrolling on your phone, the screech and roar of your inner critic.
One of the biggest roadblocks to finishing the first draft of a book is the monster I like to call “creative shame.”
What is Creative Shame?
Creative shame is any “should” we carry about our writing and our writing practices (“I should be further along,” “I should be more disciplined,” “I should write every day.” You know the drill, I’m sure).
Any harshly self-critical narrative we bring to our writing practice that has a tendency to keep us from writing can generate creative shame.
We pick up creative shame as we travel along our writing path, and it is sticky.
Here are some ways creative shame frequently shows up for writers, novice and expert alike.
- A bad experience with an English teacher, editor, or critique partner — that nasty comment on a piece of writing that we still carry around and that pops up each time we approach our current manuscript.
- Unkind internal narratives about things like “discipline,” “talent,” and “motivation” — all the ways we compare ourselves to an imaginary ideal writer and find ourselves lacking.
- Negative, absolutist self-talk about our writing skill and practice — the ways we “always” mess up or “never” get it right.
- A fear of sharing our work with others, rooted in the belief that the draft is never quite “good enough.” Maybe one more revision, and then I’ll let someone read it…
- Intense perfectionism that invites us to do things like critique and edit our drafts while we’re writing them, jolting us out of creative flow and into insecurity.
Creative shame, put simply, sucks.
It’s painful to experience and it keeps us stewing in old wounds and fears rather than striding boldly forward with the stories we are meant to share with readers.
Experiencing creative shame can keep us from ever starting the first draft of the book we desperately want to write — or talk us into abandoning that draft partway through (this is the origin of “shiny object syndrome,” where a new idea pops up it’s so tempting to let it take the place of whatever you’re currently working on).
Getting trapped in a creative shame spiral can also keep us from sharing the work we do manage to finish, because we believe it will never be good enough.
Or, if we muster up the courage to send something out, we end up feeling like critiques and rejections are personal attacks.
We get defensive instead of approaching feedback like an opportunity to grow.
Perhaps the most important thing to know about creative shame is that it does not work for creating positive behavioral change in our writing practices.
I have coached many writers who, speaking from a place of shame, have been trying to brute force a better writing practice based on every “should” they can think of and can’t understand why it isn’t helping.
The problem is that shame doesn’t result in positive change.
Creative shame keeps us small and tells us we don’t deserve joy in our writing practices until we accomplish some out-of-reach goal or adopt an impossible habit.
A path to sustainable, enjoyable writing that is not!
Shame also convinces us to isolate ourselves.
It can be hard to acknowledge how bad a shame-driven writing practice feels, or admit to the nasty things we say to ourselves each time we sit down to try to write.
The more isolated we get, the less access we have to the support and resources we need to promote our creativity and grow our skills.
The shame spiral gets deeper and harder to escape.
Yuck, right?
So, what can we do about it?
How do we beat the monster of creative shame and rebuild a healthy, sustainable writing practice?
Overcoming Creative Shame
Creative shame withers in the bright light of critical appraisal and supportive rituals.
Here are two activities you can use to start recognizing and combating creative shame so that you can return to your writing practice with confidence.
Critical Appraisal: The Shame Detective
Creative shame likes to be the loudest voice in the room.
It wants to dominate the conversation and keep you in place — and it absolutely does not want you to ask any critical questions about what it’s telling you.
Enter the Shame Detective.
Pick your favorite detective from literature — maybe the Honorable Miss Phryne Fisher, Sherlock Holmes, or Encyclopedia Brown — and break out your magnifying glass.
It’s time to turn the tables on your creative shame.
When you notice that you’re caught in a shame spiral, start by asking yourself two questions:
- What evidence do I have for this belief?
- What evidence do I have against this belief?
The first question gives you a chance to assess what truth might be tucked away in the narrative creative shame is trying to spin.
What helpful nugget can you glean from that story?
Where has shame taken over something true or useful that you can work with, rather than beat yourself up about?
The second question puts all your detective skills to work and asks you to look for evidence and other clues about what’s going on beneath the surface.
Odds are really high that you are not the abject, miserable failure your creative shame wants you to think you are — and mustering the evidence can help you interrupt that shame and tell a stronger, truer story about your writing practice.
Gather the hard facts.
Then, follow up this exercise with a final question: How can I practice self-care and tell a more complete story?
Self-care is a critical component of defeating creative shame, because shame tells us we don’t deserve nice things — and facing our shame head-on can be difficult!
What restorative practice can you engage in to refill your cup?
Finally, telling a more complete story is the counter-narrative to creative shame’s bullying.
Remind yourself of the truth and pull out your factual evidence: your shame isn’t telling the whole story.
Over time, creative shame will start to give way to reality.
Supportive Ritual: Shame Release Activity
As you continue to claim the role of Shame Detective, you’ll reach a point where you’re ready to let go of some old shame-based story.
Maybe there’s an old wound that you realize has healed, or an internal narrative you’re ready to stop repeating.
Creating a symbolic gesture of release can help you banish old ghosts and welcome fresh new energy into your writing mindset and practice.
Plus, customizing your own ritual is a lot of fun!
Here’s how it can work:
- Choose an aspect of creative shame that you feel ready to release
- Write it down on a piece of paper
- Symbolically destroy the shame in whatever way feels right to you. You could scribble, paint, or collage over top of it. You might tear the paper into tiny pieces and bury them at the bottom of the trash. You could even burn the paper (while practicing appropriate fire safety!).
- On another piece of paper, replace that story of shame with a neutral observation or positive affirmation, depending on what feels true for your journey right now.
- Keep that paper with your writing supplies or hang it somewhere you’ll see it regularly.
- Repeat as needed.
Ongoing Combat with Creative Shame
Becoming the Shame Detective and practicing rituals of release are two great tools for dealing with creative shame.
However, it’s a tenacious monster, and it will find a way to slink back into your writing practice now and again.
One of the most powerful ways you can continue to defeat creative shame is by finding a community of fellow writers.
Connecting with other people on the same path can serve as a useful reminder that you are not alone in facing a mindset challenge like creative shame — and community is a powerful antidote to shame-driven isolation.
Joining (or starting!) a writing group at your local library is an excellent strategy for making in-person connections.
You could also join a virtual writing group, sign up for a writing class, or hire a book coach to connect with mentors and peers who can help you on your journey.
Creative shame does not get to defeat you!
With some handy tools in your pocket and friends by your side, you’ll find the path back to a writing practice that feels magical and enjoyable once more.
***
About the Author
Dr. Bailey Lang is the Literary Witch, a book coach who helps visionary authors reclaim their creative magic and finish their books.
Bailey has a PhD in rhetoric and writing studies and they love geeking out about writing, language, and magic.
You can sign up for Bailey’s free newsletter, Ink + Alchemy, for monthly missives that will help you build a writing practice you love.
