The Inner Critic
In which I reveal my inner dialogue between my Inner Critic and me, the part of me that would like the Inner Critic to STOP yelling. Thank you.
My inner critic is SO strong… she must have had some good reason to install herself in my psyche… I need to get to know her story.
[Writers, authors, if you can relate to what I’m about to share, let me know. Everyone else, who may not understand, perhaps reading this will reveal some of the work this writer/author entrepreneur confronts in her daily life…]
She’s especially blathering on how incapable I am in business, and wants me to walk away from it all.
“Failure,” she whispers. “You can’t do it,” she sneers.
I walk to turn my back and run as fast as I can away from the pain buried deep in her chest. And then I remember… she is me. And turning my back on her and what she’s talking about would be turning my back on me and giving up.
Is that what I want? Do I want to give up?
I don’t. But I suffer. In silence. The grief of things lost, opportunities missed, challenges not taken, actions inadequate.
The pain of failure feels heavy on my chest, a weight, a shame. “I should have… I could have…”
All true.
And yet. And yet. Here I am. nearly four years later, still working for myself, still inventing and creating opportunities…
My inner critic whispers still “Failure. You haven’t made it.”
Made what? I wonder. I’m doing it. “It” the best I can with the resources I have, in this moment. Right now. Would it be so bad if you just let up a little?
I want you do do thing right.
What is right?
You know.
Actually, you know. Inner Critic, you’re good at discerning. You’re what makes me a good editor and writer, since writing is actually rewriting and editing. But the bashing, please, has got to stop. This is your captain speaking…
But I can’t stop. You just said you need me.
Okay, you’re right. I do need you. But how about communicating to me with more neutrality and let go of the judgement….? What do you say?
But this judgment, as you call, it is actually my gift, to you.
Your judgment feels like a bludgeon. It hurts. A lot.
Oh.
Yah.
What do we do?
Well, we’re stuck with each other.
Are you making fun of me?
No, my sensitive discerning with finesse Inner Critic. You’re quite beautiful, actually. And delicate.
I am.
What I would like is for you to see me as the Captain, and to raise your hand when you have something to say. Can you do that?
But… Okay. I guess I can.
And your request of me.
Oh! [Hand wave.] Oh!
Yes? And thank you.
Listen to me. Please. [Suppressing a desire to swear.]
You’re angry at me, aren’t you?
Um, yeah.
For not listening to you. For not taking the time to take my own counsel. For not even taking the time to deeply listen… Instead, I just plunge head-long into things and… waste time and/or money…
Yes.
But I need to learn, and often doing and making tons of mistakes is the only way.
But I’m here. Use me. Dammit.
Oh.
Yes. Oh. I am one of your most valuable parts, yet…. you shove me aside and play that all is well, when sometimes, it is not well at all.
I like how you tell it how it is.
Yah, when you listen.
I’m sorry about that. I do listen, when i take the time. I’m journaling more, writing more fiction, revealing more… What else can I do to help you feel heard? And I still talking to my Inner Critic?
I am Inner Discernment. I am here to keep you safe, and …
I’d like to prosper, too.
Ah, yes, I know. But not at the expense of your safety.
Okay Inner Discernment, I’m glad we had this talk. All kidding aside, my new actions will be to touch base with you daily, either via meditation or journaling.
What actions will you take that will help me listen to you more?
I’ll raise my hand. [This means I will be polite about my comments, and deliver them with a sixth-chakra vibration. :-)]
Yes, thank you.
And, I’ll gently nudge you to keep refining your vision… I suggest you write your vision out as a story, since creating a world and telling a story is your forte.
Good idea. And thank you for that validation. Story is powerful. And writing my story, the story of how I want my business life to go, will be a powerful visioning tool. Thank you.
What if you had a conversation with your Inner Critic, or whatever that part of you is that seems to be raining on your parade of creativity and forward action?
PS. You may be curious about other posts I’ve written on the inner critic. Though very different in tone, you find much value in them, too.
My inner critic tells me that there is so many other things I should be doing
instead of writing: laundry, dishes, cooking, spending time with my partner.
She assures me it’s not worth my time to submit anything .. most of the time
it’s rejected. She tells me it’s late and I’ve already put in a long day
at the office. I have to hit her over the head and just sit down and do it.
Margaret, I’d be curious to hear what your inner critic really wants… besides the chores. You must have her well-tamed! Kudos for getting to the writing!
That’s quite the dialogue, Beth! Inner critics certainly have their place in our lives. I believe several things:
– Any weakness we perceive in ourselves is merely a strength out of balance, or not fully developed. It is an opportunity for us to grow. Yay!
– There are no destinations in life, only paths. You are on the path you set off on 4 years ago. Celebrate!
– What we focus on expands. When your inner critic pipes up, your response could be, “Well, that’s ONE opinion, and thank you for sharing.” If we choose to over-focus on that opinion, we will experience the suffering it brings. A grain of sand appears REAAAALLY big if we focus too closely on it. Or, you could throw lots of love at it and turn it into a pearl! Lovely!
I believe a lot more things, but maybe you can start to see — there’s no real downside to having an inner critic. Just don’t let her bully you, you’re stronger, and smarter 🙂
Happy writing, and business success!!
The way I look at it that our inner critic is just thoughts, they pass. Note them and move on. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s not gospel you’re hearing. It’s your fear and frustration talking. Whatever you do, don’t react, or she’ll kill every shred of creativity you have.
I say – oh, it’s you. Hi. Bye.