{"id":9680,"date":"2013-12-02T03:00:58","date_gmt":"2013-12-02T11:00:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=9680"},"modified":"2013-11-20T20:23:48","modified_gmt":"2013-11-21T04:23:48","slug":"how-to-stop-sabotaging-your-success-as-a-writer-by-vangile-makwakwa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2013\/12\/02\/how-to-stop-sabotaging-your-success-as-a-writer-by-vangile-makwakwa\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Sabotaging Your Success As a Writer by Vangile Makwakwa"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Please welcome guest columnist Vangile Makwakwa to Writer\u2019s Fun Zone! Today Vangile shares her tips on how to stop sabotaging your success as a writer. Enjoy!<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

I have this awesome talent to sabotage relationships and great career opportunities just as they turn into success.<\/p>\n

I will spend months building something and just as it starts to take off, I\u2019ll lose interest or suddenly get this great desire to quit (break up with whoever I\u2019m dating), do something else or go into my recluse stage.<\/p>\n

If I\u2019m in a great relationship I pick fights so I can find a reason to break up with the other person and then spend months after the break up writing poetry about how much I loved them and they called me psycho.<\/p>\n

Sometimes think I\u2019d be a perfect psychology case study.<\/p>\n

On the flip side: I have self-sabotaged so much that my normal sabotage behavioural patterns are totally obvious to me and slightly boring (because how often can you replay a script before figuring out the end result).<\/p>\n

How do you know when you are self-sabotaging?<\/b><\/p>\n

You\u2019re self-sabotaging when you find yourself doing something counter-productive.<\/p>\n

For many of us it’s not always clear when we\u2019re self-sabotaging because we\u2019re not aware of our sabotage patterns.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re more apt to blame the devil or some other demon instead of taking responsibility for our behaviour.<\/p>\n

According to a recent survey of 206<\/a>, these are some of the ways we sabotage:<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Procrastination<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Taking on too many things<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not asking for help<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Going against our inner voice (killing your writing ideas before you even articulate them)<\/p>\n

– \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Negative self-talk (telling yourself your work is not good enough or you\u2019re not good enough)\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Why do we self-sabotage?<\/b><\/p>\n

We self-sabotage because of fear: fear of success, fear of failure, fear of change etc.<\/p>\n

I self-sabotage is because I\u2019m scared to shine too bright and having to deal with a successful version of me.<\/p>\n

I have been running the story of me as victim of my circumstances for so long that I have just become comfortable with it and releasing it scares me because it makes me a clean slate, which is scary as hell.<\/p>\n

How can we deal with the inner saboteur?<\/b><\/p>\n

An\u00a0inner saboteur<\/a>\u00a0is your shadow self, your lesser self, your dark self (or whatever else you want to call it) that just loves to prove your limiting beliefs right.<\/p>\n

So how can we release the need to sabotage our success?<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Show compassion for yourself<\/b><\/p>\n

Whenever we fail we often want to stick to our story and prove that we were right all along: we\u2019re not cut out for this or nothing will ever change etc.<\/p>\n

Most of us say horrible things to ourselves when we fail or sabotage instead of having some compassion for this part of ourselves.<\/p>\n

We live in a society that tells us that we always have to be high performing and perfect but we\u2019re human and at times we will mess up. Instead of screaming in that moment, we can sit down and understand why we\u2019re behaving the way we are.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m no longer a fan of the push through the \u201cprocrastination or the fear\u201d theory; I have learned that all that pushing can drain my desire to create or write.<\/p>\n

Instead of judging ourselves, it\u2019s important to focus on understanding our behaviour in that moment so we can change it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/b>Use your inner saboteur advantageously<\/b><\/p>\n

I’m not a believer in the inner saboteur being a bad part of us that we need to overcome and win over.<\/p>\n

Our inner saboteur can teach us about ourselves and open a whole new world of understanding for us as writers. Think about the characters you can craft by understanding your \u201cdark side.\u201d<\/p>\n

Personally I think that\u2019s what makes George RR Martin such an awesome writer \u2013 his characters are human, they\u2019re not perfect but human.<\/p>\n

My inner saboteur is what led me to write a book on emotions and financial behaviour<\/a>, in my effort to understand myself better.
\n<\/b><\/p>\n

My inner saboteur opened up a new career for me as a writer and speaker so I\u2019m grateful to her.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

3) Be emotionally aware<\/b>\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

We can all find the gift our saboteur holds for us by being emotionally aware and paying attention to our behaviour.<\/p>\n

Your emotions are a guiding light for you and let you know where you\u2019re coping with the events of your life and can almost help you predict your behaviour.<\/p>\n

I know when I\u2019m about to self-sabotage when I get into anger mode because that\u2019s how I deal with fear \u2013 I get angry and start to find reasons to hate whatever is causing me to expand in that moment (a relationship, work, life).<\/p>\n

When I get angry I can psyche myself to do any number of dumb or reckless things and justify them.<\/p>\n

I keep a journal to write down all my negative feelings and \u00a0when I see my anger spinning out of control I ramp up my meditation.<\/p>\n

I even made up my own inner child meditations and guided journaling entries to understand my saboteur.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d love to hear some of the techniques you use to deal with self-sabotage, in the comments section below.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Vangile Makwakwa is a renowned author and speaker. She specializes in teaching others how to use their emotional intelligence to create wealth. She <\/i>has been featured in various media including O Magazine South Africa. Connect with Vangile at: <\/i>www.wealthy-money.com<\/i>. <\/i><\/a><\/i><\/p>\n

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