{"id":3238,"date":"2011-07-28T03:00:30","date_gmt":"2011-07-28T09:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=3238"},"modified":"2011-07-28T00:17:47","modified_gmt":"2011-07-28T06:17:47","slug":"tags-in-dialogue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2011\/07\/28\/tags-in-dialogue\/","title":{"rendered":"Tags in Dialogue"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

The Marriage Murders by Bobbye Terry<\/p><\/div>\n

Welcome back guest columnist, Bobbye Terry, as she reveals how to use “he said\/she said” in dialogue. Her example of before and after is quite useful to see when to use “said” and when to use action tags.\u00a0We hope this helps fiction writers everywhere. Take it away Bobbye!<\/p>\n

^*^<\/p>\n

or:<\/p>\n

Tagging Along<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a writer, you know what a tag is. It\u2019s that little statement at the end of dialogue that indicates who is speaking. For instance, in this snippet of dialogue, \u201cI am going for a walk,\u201d she said, she said<\/em> is the tag. Most believe that using said<\/em> for the majority of tags is the best word, because readers skip over the phrase without consciously noting it\u2019s there, unlike other words such as answered<\/em> or told<\/em> or responded<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Writers can also get in bad habits by adding a bunch of action to the tag. An example would be:<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you ever come back,\u201d she screamed as she threw a hair brush at him and missed, hitting the wall.<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s much better to separate the two, and in this case, get rid of the tag altogether.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you ever come back.\u201d She threw her hair brush at him and grimaced as it missed and hit the wall.<\/em><\/p>\n

If you have three or more characters in a scene, you will need to use occasional tags and use the names of the characters more often instead of the pronouns he and she to identify which he<\/em> or she<\/em> is speaking.<\/p>\n

Here is a short example from Coming to Climax<\/strong>, my suspense novel coming in September:<\/p>\n

\u201cNice to meet you, Mr. Carroll.\u201d Margaret walked forward to shake his hand. She handed a small brown bag to her friend. \u201cHere\u2019s your vanilla, Cindy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d Cindy took the bag. \u201cActually, he\u2019s Doctor<\/em> Carroll.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNice to meet you, Ms. Palmer.\u201d The man shook hands with her, a solemn expression on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you the local Family Practitioner?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am if I\u2019m helping your pet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cindy laughed. \u201cHe\u2019s a vet. Chris and I were just talking about a young guy who got shot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re the vet who patched up Andy and Carolina? Thanks so very much.\u201d She shivered. Maybe one more valium was a good idea . . .<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew it was Carolina,\u201d Cindy said. \u201cJust didn\u2019t want to blurt it out in case you hadn\u2019t seen her yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay. I just left her. All the time I kept thinking the person who shot Andy and nicked Carolina\u2019s ear might be the same guy who killed those men.\u201d Margaret sat down in a chair. \u201cIt makes me positively weak-kneed just thinking about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI hope they reported it to the sheriff. Please tell your niece I don\u2019t think that was a stray bullet from a hunter.\u201d He glanced back at Cindy. \u201cWell, got to go. Kate says I have a Beagle with diarrhea and a Lab puppy who ate part of a garden hose waiting on me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Though the conversation changed back and forth ten times, only one tag was used.<\/p>\n

If there are only two people in a scene, you know by your paragraph breaks who is speaking. Tags can be minimal or not there at all if you replace them with action by the character. Here\u2019s an example from my latest Briny Bay mystery, The Marriage Murders<\/strong>, with tags and then without them.<\/p>\n

With the tags:<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI hear you,\u201d Trixie said. \u201cJust how much extra-curricular activity have you done anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs in sex?\u201d Roxie asked.<\/p>\n

Trixie sighed. \u201cNo, I meant Scrabble,\u201d she said. \u201cOf course I meant sex, you ditz.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roxie\u2019s eyes narrowed and said, \u201cDon\u2019t demean me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop the temper tantrum,\u201d Trixie said. \u201cI got tired of that when you were six. Spill. Have you two been to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe time just hasn\u2019t been right,\u201d Roxie said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBingo!\u201d Trixie exclaimed. \u201cMen\u2019s minds wander at date six or earlier. Mark my words, he\u2019s off shopping the catalogues, not admiring the old purchase.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetween you and Greg, I\u2019m starting to feel like I\u2019m ready for the glue factory,\u201d Roxie said.<\/p>\n

Trixie leaned down and stared into her sister\u2019s eyes. \u201cWhat\u2019s with you?\u201d she asked. \u201cYou\u2019re the one who made whoopee with a California foreigner in a shed and Greg who is the obvious recipient of your pitty-pats doesn\u2019t get as much as a bounce on the bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s because I admire him a lot,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdmire is something you do to a president or a Mother Theresa or a Nelson Mandela, but it sure ain\u2019t what you want to do to your sweetheart,\u201d Trixie told her. \u201cNot unless you\u2019re laid back in a euphoric fog, smiling at how much you admire his motion of the ocean.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMotion of the ocean?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

Trixie shrugged and said, \u201cYou know it\u2019s not the size of the wave, but the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight, got it,\u201d Roxie said. \u201cYou are such a nag. You know how I am. It\u2019s just like how I was about Christmas when I was a little girl. You\u2019d already sneaked and opened all your presents and wrapped them back up, but I wanted to open one at a time during the day. \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI shoulda\u2019 caught on you were brain-damaged then,\u201d Trixie told her. \u201cGet the car in gear sugar, or your sweetie will be trading you in on a new model.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Removing the tags:<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI hear you.\u201d Trixie placed one hand on her sister\u2019s shoulder. \u201cI suggest you get his mind off kids. Just how much extra-curricular activity have you done anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs in sex?\u201d<\/p>\n

Trixie sighed. \u201cNo, I meant Scrabble. Of course I meant sex, you ditz.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roxie\u2019s eyes narrowed. \u201cDon\u2019t demean me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStop the temper tantrum. I got tired of that when you were six. Spill. Have you two been to bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roxie stared at the floor. \u201cThe time just hasn\u2019t been right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trixie slapped the counter. \u201cBingo! Men\u2019s minds wander at date six or earlier. Mark my words, he\u2019s off shopping the catalogues, not admiring the old purchase.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBetween you and Greg, I\u2019m starting to feel like I\u2019m ready for the glue factory.\u201d<\/p>\n

Trixie leaned down and stared into her sister\u2019s eyes. \u201cWhat\u2019s with you? You\u2019re the one who made whoopee with a California foreigner in a shed and Greg who is the obvious recipient of your pitty-pats doesn\u2019t get as much as a bounce on the bed?\u201d<\/p>\n

Roxie bit her lip. \u201cIt\u2019s because I admire him a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAdmire is something you do to a president or a Mother Theresa or a Nelson Mandela, but it sure ain\u2019t what you want to do to your sweetheart. Not unless you\u2019re laid back in a euphoric fog, smiling at how much you admire his motion of the ocean.\u201d<\/p>\n

Roxie looked up. \u201cMotion of the ocean?\u201d<\/p>\n

Trixie shrugged. \u201cYou know it\u2019s not the size of the wave, but the\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight, got it.\u201d Roxie exhaled. \u201cYou are such a nag. You know how I am. It\u2019s just like how I was about Christmas when I was a little girl. You\u2019d already sneaked and opened all your presents and wrapped them back up, but I wanted to open one at a time during the day. \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI shoulda\u2019 caught on you were brain-damaged then. Get the car in gear sugar, or your sweetie will be trading you in on a new model.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I hope this helps any beginning writers out there and would love to hear from readers as well.<\/p>\n

^*^<\/em> <\/em><\/p>\n

Bobbye Terry writes mystery\/suspense, romance, fantasies and dystopian fiction. <\/em>The Marriage Murders, Bobbye\u2019s Book 2 in the Briny Bay Mysteries series, was just released. Bobbye and Linda Campbell, writing as Terry Campbell, have a new cozy mystery short story collection, <\/em>Slam Sisters of Serendipity, that released through Eternal Press.\u00a0 For more about Bobbye, visit her at <\/em>www.BobbyeTerry-MysteryHappens.com<\/span><\/em> and <\/em>www.BobbyeTerryRomance.com<\/span><\/em> .<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welcome back guest columnist, Bobbye Terry, as she reveals how to use “he said\/she said” in dialogue. Her example of before and after is quite useful to see when to use “said” and when...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":3144,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[516,1047,1048,11],"class_list":["post-3238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-writing-tips","tag-bobbye-terry","tag-tags-in-dialog","tag-tags-in-dialogue","tag-writing"],"yoast_head":"\nTags in Dialogue · Writer's Fun Zone<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2011\/07\/28\/tags-in-dialogue\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tags in Dialogue · Writer's Fun Zone\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Welcome back guest columnist, Bobbye Terry, as she reveals how to use “he said\/she said” in dialogue. 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