{"id":28169,"date":"2024-03-14T09:13:44","date_gmt":"2024-03-14T16:13:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=28169"},"modified":"2024-03-14T09:13:44","modified_gmt":"2024-03-14T16:13:44","slug":"how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories-story-success-clinic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2024\/03\/14\/how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories-story-success-clinic\/","title":{"rendered":"How do I not overload background into my stories? Story Success Clinic"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-28170 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images.png\" alt=\"Bright Orange background with a book for How do I not overload background into my stories? Story Success Clinic\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images.png 300w, https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images-80x80.png 80w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-28171 aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images-1.png\" alt=\"Orange background and quote from How do I not overload background in my stories?\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images-1.png 300w, https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Episode-90-Blog-Images-1-80x80.png 80w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do I not overload background into my stories? Story Success Clinic &#8211; <\/span>How To Write the Future podcast, episode 90<\/h2>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cStories are dynamic. Stories need to have action, movement. Stories need to have goals that the character is trying to pursue.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this Story Success Clinic session, How To Write Future podcast host, Beth Barany, answers one the biggest questions she\u2019s often asked as a writing coach \u201cHow do I not overload background into my stories?\u201d and uses the start of a paranormal fantasy novel by Barbarella Haymaker as an example to talk through the summary and walk-through a live edit.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Platforms The podcast is available on <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/90-how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories\/id1641025914?i=1000649160581\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Apple Podcasts<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.google.com\/feed\/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8yMDEyMDYxLnJzcw\/episode\/QnV6enNwcm91dC0xNDY2MjQ3Nw?sa=X&amp;ved=0CAUQkfYCahcKEwiQ_biskfSEAxUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Google Podcasts<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/2012061\/14662477-90-how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories-story-success-clinic\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Buzzsprout<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/episode\/4YbF9LS3RzUiOjHgX4IIUk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Spotify<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/podcastaddict.com\/episode\/https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzsprout.com%2F2012061%2F14662477-90-how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories-story-success-clinic.mp3&amp;podcastId=4025186\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Podcast Addict<\/a> |<a href=\"https:\/\/music.amazon.com\/podcasts\/ca590618-5630-4450-aa17-7e2f35359a76\/episodes\/ecd4f9bd-3e3b-46d5-a273-847249e96b36\/how-to-write-the-future-90-how-do-i-not-overload-background-into-my-stories-story-success-clinic\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Amazon Music<\/a> | <a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/gS7fN5YsJ40?si=aiBLcBXkhA3eqIVZ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Youtube<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/gS7fN5YsJ40?si=BlimtKkDGQXjuan6\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div id=\"buzzsprout-large-player\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><\/div>\n<p><script type='text\/javascript' charset='utf-8' src='https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/2012061.js?container_id=buzzsprout-large-player&#038;player=large'><\/script><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">RESOURCES\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>12-month Group Mastermind Program for Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers &#8211; open for enrollment:<\/b><a href=\"http:\/\/coaching.bethbarany.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">http:\/\/coaching.bethbarany.com\/<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Free World Building Workbook for Fiction Writers:<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/world-building-resources\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/world-building-resources\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><b>Sign up for the 30-minute Story Success Clinic with Beth Barany:<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/story-success-clinic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/story-success-clinic\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><b>Get support for your fiction writing by a novelist and writing teacher and coach. Schedule an exploratory call here and see if Beth can support you today:<\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/discovery-call\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/discovery-call\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">About the How To Write the Future podcast\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The *How To Write The Future* podcast is for science fiction and fantasy writers who want to write positive futures and successfully bring those stories out into the marketplace. Hosted by Beth Barany, science fiction novelist and creativity coach for writers. We cover tips for fiction writers. This podcast is for readers too if you\u2019re at all curious about the future of humanity.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This podcast is for you if you have questions like:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8211; How do I create a believable world for my science fiction story?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8211; How do figure what&#8217;s not working if my story feels flat?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8211; How do I make my story more interesting and alive?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This podcast is for readers too if you\u2019re at all curious about the future of humanity.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Transcript for How do I not overload background into my stories? Story Success Clinic<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hey, everyone, Beth Barany here for How to Write the Future Podcast. Today, I am going to do a critique of someone&#8217;s opening of their story. They couldn&#8217;t be here live with me due to technical issues, but I will share with you what her comments and questions are as we move forward.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And just a reminder about who I am. I am a science fiction and fantasy writer and a writing teacher. I specialize in helping science fiction and fantasy writers craft their stories and polish them to a sheen, so they can publish them. And I do that through my Coaching Mastermind program. And you can find out more about that in the description.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This podcast, How to Write the Future, is really designed to help you get better at your craft so that you can write stories readers love to read.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I also run this podcast because I believe that through story we can re-envision who we are and how the world could be. Because when we vision what is possible, we help make it so.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And we do that through words and we do that through emotion, and we do that through sights and sounds and all the sensory details that make stories come alive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, so let&#8217;s dive in because one of the biggest questions I have been getting is how do I not overload background into my stories?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lots of people are asking me that. So let&#8217;s dive in.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am looking at the content, the opening of a story from Barbarella Haymaker and her story &#8211;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&#8217;s see. What can I tell you about her story?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is a world, a deep world that she has developed. It&#8217;s a YA paranormal mystery series with a great cast of characters and a sweeping plot.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So we&#8217;re going to look at the beginning and let&#8217;s get started.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So she started her story off with a dream sequence, and then we have the opening.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I elected to actually skip over the dream sequence for today&#8217;s critique and look just at the opening.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, I need to turn on track changes. There we go. Now, here is the first sentence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cTia, it&#8217;s your move, Tia?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I actually like this dialogue line as an opening sentence because it&#8217;s short. I get a sense they&#8217;re playing a game, and I assume Tia is our main character.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I admit, I do know that from reading the dream sequence, and I think even if I hadn&#8217;t read the dream sequence, and the story started here, which is actually what I recommend to you, Barbarella, it would be clear to me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I&#8217;m doing two things when I&#8217;m doing this edit.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am coming at this fresh, meaning I don&#8217;t have her story notes. I don&#8217;t even have a story summary. I only know that it&#8217;s a YA paranormal mystery.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so let&#8217;s read the second sentence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m going to highlight it and zoom in a little.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI stared at the ancient-looking hand-carved Tamarisk wood chess board, which sat on a small round pedestal table between me and the board&#8217;s owner. Marcus was my best friend and confidant.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, so I read two sentences.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m going to say that this sentence here, 24 words, that&#8217;s not too long, but it felt a little long to me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love this detail: &#8220;ancient looking, hand carved, tamarisk wood chess board.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To me, that was evocative, even though I don&#8217;t know what tamarisk what that means if that relates to some culture. I&#8217;m willing to be open to learning what that is later. The part that I feel bogged the sentence down is all the details about the table.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would rather have fewer details like maybe take out the word <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">pedestal.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> &#8220;a small round table between me and the board&#8217;s owner.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I would like to know Marcus. I would like his name to be right here at the end of the sentence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then, that&#8217;s great. &#8220;Marcus was my best friend and confidant.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That&#8217;s lovely.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So now, I have this chess board in the center view and I get that she&#8217;s across the table from her best friend and confidant.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay. So now I have a warm feeling and I&#8217;m wondering what is next.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay, so I&#8217;m going to read the next few sentences.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;The style of chess games we play is unique.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay, a few things jump out at me with this one sentence.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One, I&#8217;m being told about the style of chess games, but I feel like I&#8217;m being popped out of the moment. I&#8217;m expecting this next step, her move.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of getting her move, I am now getting information, which without context in the beginning of a story it jumps me out of the story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it also jumps me &#8211; I have no reference point.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, that&#8217;s not true. I do know what chess is and I know how to play the game. So when you tell me this is unique, that&#8217;s interesting. I have to admit that&#8217;s interesting, but it doesn&#8217;t feel relevant to what I am expecting, which is: what is the next move?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And the next sentence takes me out of the story too. &#8220;Mark taught me five years ago when I was eight. It was complicated, but after a few games, I figured out the extra steps.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I would just take all of this out and I would put it somewhere else in the story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m actually going to delete it so it lives in the deleted comments.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I want to know what&#8217;s next. So where is what is next? And I&#8217;m still getting more information about how the game is played.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So this whole paragraph, I&#8217;ve already read it. I know it&#8217;s still backstory. So far, what I deleted was backstory, and so is this next paragraph.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because it&#8217;s explaining how the game is played. I&#8217;d rather see the game being played than being told how the game is played. That way you can do that. You can teach the reader how the game is being played without slowing down the action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So here we go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;After a player makes a move, their opponent is required to answer a question truthfully.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that&#8217;s really interesting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would love to see that in action. &#8220;There are three ways to win. By checkmate. If the opponent refused to answer or by forfeit.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So those are the three ways again. I&#8217;m being explained, but I&#8217;m not being shown. &#8220;Mark told me once that the chessboard recorded every game on it.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that&#8217;s fascinating. Again, show that to me in action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;As old as it looks, that knowledge contained within must be enormous.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, that&#8217;s fascinating. And you might want to leave this&#8230; Again, I want to see that in action. And then we have this sentence: &#8220;I still have yet to beat the now 18-year-old.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I&#8217;m assuming, Marcus is 18. And if that&#8217;s the case, I want to be told that right up here.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just tell me. Just add it to the description.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;18-year-old Marcus was my best friend and confidant.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I don&#8217;t want to be told how this game works. I want to be shown how this game works. So if this game, let&#8217;s see, let&#8217;s look back into the notes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If three ways to win by checkmate, if the opponents refuse to answer by forfeit.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay, so Tia is being asked a question. She&#8217;s staring at the chessboard. She&#8217;s across the table from her best friend. I want her to answer the question. Answer the question.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what might Tia say here?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe she says: &#8220;What?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because that&#8217;s often what we say when we&#8217;re not really keyed in.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And then, he can ask, and he doesn&#8217;t need to say her name again because they&#8217;re best friends. Best friends usually don&#8217;t. People who are intimate with each other as friends, and more, they often don&#8217;t say each other&#8217;s names unless they&#8217;re trying to get each other&#8217;s attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So he could ask, you could even say: &#8220;Marcus asked, &#8220;Do you still have nightmares?'&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, something that would be fun to add here is a little bit more about Marcus. Is he an energetic person? Is he a very still person? You could describe a movement that he makes and use the environment here.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don&#8217;t know anything about Marcus, so I&#8217;m going to leave it blank.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We have Tia shrugging. And I&#8217;d rather say: &#8220;I shrugged.&#8221; That&#8217;s more, actually, more active, ironically than the I N G.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">E D: it gives us a sense of action, whereas I N G, we&#8217;re often trying to convey an action happening at the same time something else is happening, and that isn&#8217;t necessary most of the time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So let&#8217;s have her answer. &#8220;I shrugged. I doubt I will ever have a night without them. The dream changes sometimes. I&#8217;ve had a couple of times where items like books and pictures floated around the room, which makes no sense.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, without the reader knowing anything about her nightmares, I feel like she&#8217;s nonchalant here like it&#8217;s no big deal, which maybe is what she is conveying.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And dreams don&#8217;t make sense, so&#8230; it&#8217;d be interesting if Marcus said something here about the dreams.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are going to open your story with a dialogue, really make it a give-and-take.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I&#8217;ll read one more paragraph for the purpose of our critique.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Moving my queen out of harm&#8217;s way, I asked, feeling the uneasiness of my friend. What is really worrying you, Marcus?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m going to pause here. We have the statement, &#8220;Feeling the uneasiness of my friend.&#8221; So if he is really uneasy, I want to see that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do people show they are uneasy?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One way they do it is they roll their shoulders. Or they frown, or they roll their shoulders and they frown.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I added in three physical actions:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marcus rolled his shoulders and frowned, not meeting my eye.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So now we have three actions that all convey something is wrong. Something is not sitting right with him. And when we don&#8217;t meet the eye of our friend, that&#8217;s a clear indication, usually, that we are holding something back. Because when we look into each other&#8217;s eyes, we see things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So now you don&#8217;t have to tell me that the main character is feeling the uneasiness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can just have them ask.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I like this little action about the game.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But again, I recommend that you just say: &#8220;I moved my queen out of harm&#8217;s way and asked, &#8220;What is really worrying you, Marcus?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, we don&#8217;t know what we think was worrying Marcus unless we have him say something.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We could have him say, &#8220;I&#8217;m concerned about you.&#8221; Earlier. Or we could just say,&#8221; I&#8217;m concerned.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&#8217;s implied it&#8217;s about her. And now we know that he&#8217;s concerned for his friend and her nightmares, and then she&#8217;s nonchalant about the dreams, and he could say something. So here you could have him say something, or you can have him do something and the doing of the something is his physical action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We want a response here. Response from Marcus.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And by deed, I mean action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because stories are dynamic. Stories need to have action, movement. Stories need to have goals that the character is trying to pursue.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I have to say, by this point in the story, I really don&#8217;t know what Tia wants. I&#8217;m assuming she&#8217;s also 18, although you haven&#8217;t told us, so I don&#8217;t know. I do know it&#8217;s a young adult because you told me that ahead of time. Let me just finish this paragraph, because I want to know.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Looking carefully over the layout of the board, my silver eyes lit up.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Okay, so, several things. She cannot see herself unless she&#8217;s looking in a mirror. And again, we&#8217;re having this looking over carefully. This is <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">simultaneous action.<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It&#8217;s really better and more powerful if you, and I&#8217;m just going to do this for simple reasons if you just use simple past tense.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And let&#8217;s use a different verb because looking is way overused.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;I glanced over the layout of the board.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, what can we do to show that it&#8217;s careful?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We could say, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">taking my time.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now because she can&#8217;t see her eyes light up. She can&#8217;t see her own eyes, but again she could see them in a reflection, what is another way you could show delight?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You could say <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">she smiled<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> because she cannot see her own eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;By the way, I believe that is Check!&#8221; I watched his face, wondering if he would forfeit rather than tell me.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If we take out the description of the game, you can tell us right here.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Those were the rules. He had to answer my question or forfeit.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So now we&#8217;re using what&#8217;s called exposition to explain a little bit about the game, but we&#8217;re right inside of the game. So now it is appropriate. We could take out <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">wondering,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> so just make this more direct. And instead of, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I watched his face,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> just say, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I watched him.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We are always watching each other&#8217;s faces.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then you could say, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">would he forfeit? <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of tell me, maybe <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">answer my question.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Those are the rules. He had to answer my question or forfeit.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;The smile curved his lips but did not reach his eyes.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I like this. It&#8217;s understandable. And I would question in edits if I wanted to keep it like this, or you could say&#8230; There&#8217;s a few different ways you could say it. And the reason I want to edit this is because you&#8217;re telling me too many things.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We as readers can envision. Give us some room to envision things. So you could say:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">His smile didn&#8217;t reach his eyes.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Or you could say:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He smiled. <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I want to say <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a sad smile. a fake smile,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and tell us:<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> but sadness filled his gaze.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Something like that. You can tell me what she&#8217;s reading in his expression.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alright, so I&#8217;m going to stop here. Barbarella. I hope this helped.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some takeaways from this in summary is take out anything that takes us away from the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That backstory you had in explaining the game, you can still use when you&#8217;re inside of showing the game in action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, that&#8217;s it for this week. If you would like your piece edited on the podcast, and the edits will show up on video on YouTube, then, go ahead and sign up for your own Story Success Clinic.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Science fiction and fantasy writers, if you would like to transform your draft into a publish-ready masterpiece, then check out our Coaching Mastermind 12-month program for dedicated writers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I invite you to check it out, see if it&#8217;s a good fit for you, reach out with any questions. We are now accepting new members.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All right, everyone, that&#8217;s it for now. See you next week. Write long and prosper.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yay!<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating here: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/2012061\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/2012061<\/span><\/a><\/h3>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ABOUT BETH BARANY\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-27766 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/BETH-BARANY_2023_300px_01-e1701116328224.webp\" alt=\"Image of Beth Barany\" width=\"200\" height=\"200\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Beth Barany teaches science fiction and fantasy novelists how to write, edit, and publish their books as a coach, teacher, consultant, and developmental editor. She\u2019s an award-winning fantasy and science fiction novelist and runs the podcast, \u201cHow To Write The Future.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learn more about Beth Barany at these sites:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/author.bethbarany.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Author site<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \/\u00a0 <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/bethbarany.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Coaching site<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \/ <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/baranyschooloffiction.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">School of Fiction<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> \/ <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.writersfunzone.com\/blog\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Writer\u2019s Fun Zone blog<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">CONNECT\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Contact Beth: <a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/podcast\/#tve-jump-185b4422580\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/podcast\/#tve-jump-185b4422580<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Email: beth@bethbarany.com<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">LinkedIn: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/bethbarany\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/bethbarany\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">IG: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/bethbarany\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/bethbarany\/<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">TT: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@bethbarany\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@bethbarany\/<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">FB: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bethbarany\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/bethbarany<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">X: <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/BethBarany\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https:\/\/twitter.com\/BethBarany<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">CREDITS\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EDITED WITH DESCRIPT:<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.descript.com?lmref=_w1WCA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.descript.com?lmref=_w1WCA<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (Refer-a-Friend link)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">MUSIC CREDITS : Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/uppbeat.io\/t\/soundroll\/fuzz-buzz\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/uppbeat.io\/t\/soundroll\/fuzz-buzz<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> License code: UMMKDRL02DFGKJ0L. \u201cFuzz buzz\u201d by Soundroll. Commercial license:<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/musicvine.com\/track\/soundroll\/fuzz-buzz\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/musicvine.com\/track\/soundroll\/fuzz-buzz<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">DISTRIBUTED BY BUZZSPROUT:<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/?referrer_id=1994465\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.buzzsprout.com\/?referrer_id=1994465<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (Refer-a-Friend link)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">SHOW PRODUCTION BY Beth Barany<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">SHOW CO-PRODUCTION + NOTES by Kerry-Ann McDade<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> 2024 BETH BARANY<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bethbarany.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/bethbarany.com\/<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For more \u201cHow To Write the Future\u201d episodes, go <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/podcast\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">here.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019d like to invite Beth onto your podcast, drop her a note <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/contact-beth\/#contactbeth\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">here.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">***<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do I not overload background into my stories? Story Success Clinic &#8211; How To Write the Future podcast, episode 90 &nbsp; \u201cStories are dynamic. Stories need to have action, movement. Stories need to&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":28170,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5099],"tags":[5654,140,210,536,4607,5160,743,5653,5138,5163,2771,5183,5162,5164,1490,5165],"class_list":["post-28169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to-write-the-future-podcast","tag-barbarella-haymaker","tag-beth-barany","tag-books","tag-fantasy","tag-fiction-writing-tips","tag-futuristics","tag-paranormal","tag-paranormal-fantasy","tag-story-success-clinic","tag-story-world-building","tag-storytelling","tag-strategic-foresight","tag-tips-for-fiction-writers","tag-write-the-future","tag-writing-coaching","tag-writing-teaching"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How do I not overload background into my stories? 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