{"id":19203,"date":"2018-05-30T01:00:04","date_gmt":"2018-05-30T08:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=19203"},"modified":"2018-06-05T20:02:19","modified_gmt":"2018-06-06T03:02:19","slug":"returning-to-self-by-beth-barany","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2018\/05\/30\/returning-to-self-by-beth-barany\/","title":{"rendered":"Returning to Self by Beth Barany"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Returning<\/a>One of the hardest things for me to know is what I really think and feel.<\/p>\n

Not because I just don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

But because I think and feel so much and I\u2019ve learned much of it doesn\u2019t originate from me, with me.<\/p>\n

Sound weird? Good.<\/p>\n

No, all right, I\u2019ll drop my defenses a bit.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m so used to being misunderstood. By that I mean, I have experiences I have no reference points for, so no words for, so it\u2019s hard to talk about them, put words to them.<\/p>\n

Is that because the words don\u2019t exist? No.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s because, as I said, I have no frame of reference.<\/p>\n

It wasn’t until I was in my 20s, did I realize what a psychic and emotional sponge I was.<\/p>\n

A huge bell went off in my heart…<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what had been going on all these years, of feeling BIG things that I couldn\u2019t explain. They weren\u2019t necessarily mine.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Maybe.<\/p>\n

Maybe not.<\/p>\n

Maybe that was part of it.<\/p>\n

Now as I close in on 50 years on this planet, in this body, I still feel so tapped into the ALL of it.<\/p>\n

All the voices.<\/em>
\nAll the feelings.<\/em>
\nAll the images.<\/em><\/p>\n

It feels like a big cacophony, kaleidoscope, making no sense.<\/p>\n

Until eventually, lots of time later, it does make sense.<\/p>\n

What helps it all make sense is being in my body, is movement, is walking.<\/p>\n

Then I can hear myself think, I can ask myself what I really feel and what I really want, and then I can hear the replies.<\/p>\n

Walking has been my preferred method of hearing myself think, witnessing myself, feeling the truth of my heart.<\/p>\n

There are other ways of course:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2014 praying
\n\u2014 journaling
\n\u2014 coloring
\n\u2014 gardening
\n\u2014 meditation
\n\u2014 dancing
\n\u2014 trance work<\/p>\n

Perhaps you have other ways you like to connect with yourself, hear yourself think, feel what is true for you.<\/p>\n

Self Is the Point of Reference.<\/h2>\n

I focus on my breath, just noticing what I notice with compassion, a gentle acknowledgement of all that is, all that shows up, all I perceive, and even all that I don\u2019t perceive, but am feeling the effects of.<\/p>\n

I also really appreciate Remembrance, a meditative prayer-like stance I\u2019ve learned from Mark Silver, Heart of Business<\/a>. Remembrance is from the Sufi tradition, as I understand it, communicated to me via Mark\u2019s training.<\/p>\n

My favorite part about it is not needing to be different than one is and remembering one\u2019s connection to the divine, as you conceive of it, and that… Remembrance is a relationship.<\/p>\n

In fact, all of what we do is a relationship, but we\u2019ve often forgotten that.<\/p>\n

In this book (starting as a blog series on Writer\u2019s Fun Zone<\/a>), I\u2019m focused on the relationship between conscious self (or ego) to the Writer\/Creative and to Muse\/Divine Something, and the Writer\/Creative with the Muse\/Divine. And maybe there are more relationships in the writer\u2019s life, like Editor, Reader, Promoter, Marketer. I believe so, anyway.<\/p>\n

YOUR TURN<\/h2>\n