{"id":1742,"date":"2011-01-07T05:00:50","date_gmt":"2011-01-07T11:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=1742"},"modified":"2013-10-18T12:36:29","modified_gmt":"2013-10-18T19:36:29","slug":"vulnerability-is-messy-the-truth-of-being-a-writer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2011\/01\/07\/vulnerability-is-messy-the-truth-of-being-a-writer\/","title":{"rendered":"Vulnerability is Messy: The Truth of Being a Writer"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Creativity<\/a>Authenticity<\/strong>.
\nBe myself — everyone else is taken.
\nVulnerability is my strength.<\/p>\n

Words to live by.
\nWords to feel.
\nWords to fight.<\/p>\n

Conflict. External conflict. I\u2019m not great at external conflict in my novels when I think of it as something separate from people. But I realize that conflict is between people. So how can make Dinah\u2019s (my heroine\u2019s) agenda conflict with Mark\u2019s. My villain. I don\u2019t know. He wants her. Why? And how can one 15 year old boy want a 15-yr-old girl in a way that\u2019s true, real and scary at the same time? Bored. Not interesting. What is really interesting to me? I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t really want to show you my messiness.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t really want to show\u00a0 you what it\u2019s really like in my head. In my heart.<\/p>\n

What am I afraid of?<\/em><\/p>\n

Rejection<\/strong>
\n\u201cI don\u2019t like you.\u201d
\n\u201cYou\u2019re not like me.\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t make me see myself, my inadequacies. Don\u2019t make me feel vulnerable. Don\u2019t. Therefore I blame you. You are bad because you feel so damn much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Truth? I don\u2019t know. I only know that those are the voices I fear.<\/p>\n

I break apart in front of you. I break into pieces. I am messy. I am human. Dammit. Why do you think I\u2019m a machine? Don\u2019t you know to create is messy? That\u2019s right! Creativity is messy. Why? Because it is. The reason you\u2019re afraid is well, your reason. The reason I\u2019m afraid? Another reason?<\/p>\n

Well, what\u2019s the worse thing that can happen? No one can relate to me. My experience is so foreign that no one gets it. No one gets me and I get shunned. Again.<\/p>\n

One of my clients just said to me that I\u2019m a great example of creating even in the mess of things. I decided one day to go after my dream, even though I was scared, even though I didn\u2019t know what I was doing, even though I secretly thought I would go crazy if I embraced fiction writing. Even though I had all these fears, I was tired of dreaming and tired of putting off what I truly wanted.<\/p>\n

And here I am, years later, nearly thirteen years later, and I\u2019m still writing in the middle of things, still facing my fears about fiction. And I got to tell you, it still ain\u2019t easy. Just because I have the craft of fiction down, I don\u2019t have the stellar story telling down. Because at the end of the day that\u2019s what counts. A good story. For fiction anyway.<\/p>\n

A page turner. A I-couldn\u2019t-put-this-down book.<\/p>\n

How do we do that?<\/p>\n

Conflict.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

The very thing we want to avoid in life we want in our fiction.<\/p>\n

The other element we want are characters we want to like. At least that\u2019s what it is for me, and lots of genre fiction.<\/p>\n

One of my flaws right now is I\u2019m trying to write too autobiographically. I\u2019m not creative enough\u2026 I exorcising my ghosts, not writing entertaining, compelling fiction.<\/p>\n

Am I writing fiction to be loved? If so, there\u2019s a lot of other ways I can get some love from the world.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a good teacher, excellent presenter, and care passionately that those who wish to write too. I know how to help others get moving in their writing; I help others strategically design their publishing path when all of their choices seem so overwhelming to them. I know how to sort out the noise from the gems.<\/p>\n

But when it comes to myself and my fiction career, I have to say that I feel like a complete idiot, a dolt, and way, way behind the curve. I think I\u2019m a voracious reader, but apparently my stories have all been heard before. Duh, all stories have been heard before. It\u2019s in the execution. I know. It\u2019s in the voice of the main character. My voice gets rejected. Apparently it\u2019s not \u201csomething\u201d enough. Unique? Catching? And that feels so personal when my writing doesn\u2019t even get read by the gatekeepers of the publishing world.<\/p>\n

I identify myself as an adventure writer at heart. But now I\u2019m writing a paranormal teen romance that is starting to tie me up in knots. And remind me why I stayed away from this particular strand of young adult fiction. I actually think the romance has potential. But what is at once irritating me and making me want to walk away from the project is that I lack a strong external conflict, that I care about.<\/p>\n

Mark \u2013- the villain– only goes after the pretty popular girls, someone can tell Dinah \u2013 my heroine. And that can put Dinah in that position of being popular. But I want her to reject Mark\u2026<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n

Back to this post\u2026<\/p>\n

Even though, my friends, I am questioning my novel, whether or not I should continue \u2013 it\u2019s only 11,000 words right now \u2013 I will question it via writing. And I won\u2019t give up on fiction, no matter how infantile and behind the trend I am.<\/p>\n

Because I will write despite it all. Because to not be working on fiction is to be denying something very important to me.<\/p>\n

Because being a fiction writer gives me meaning.<\/p>\n

And so does helping other writers bring their expression, being themselves to the page.<\/p>\n

What gives you meaning?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Declare it here. Be sloppy, be messy, be neat, and most of all be yourself. Damnit.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Authenticity. Be myself — everyone else is taken. Vulnerability is my strength. Words to live by. Words to feel. Words to fight. Conflict. External conflict. I\u2019m not great at external conflict in my novels...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1745,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[172,84],"tags":[8,9,507,505,506],"class_list":["post-1742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-author-career","category-inspiration","tag-conflict","tag-creativity","tag-fears","tag-messy","tag-real"],"yoast_head":"\nVulnerability is Messy: The Truth of Being a Writer · Writer's Fun Zone<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2011\/01\/07\/vulnerability-is-messy-the-truth-of-being-a-writer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Vulnerability is Messy: The Truth of Being a Writer · Writer's Fun Zone\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Authenticity. 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