{"id":16331,"date":"2017-03-31T01:00:21","date_gmt":"2017-03-31T08:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/?p=16331"},"modified":"2017-03-30T13:15:18","modified_gmt":"2017-03-30T20:15:18","slug":"nice-say-no-carol-malone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/writersfunzone.com\/blog\/2017\/03\/31\/nice-say-no-carol-malone\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Too Nice To Say \u201cNo?\u201d by Carol Malone"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Please welcome author and book coach in training\u00a0Carol Malone<\/a>. Today she\u2019s going to share an article regarding the dilemma faced when people demand your time and talents and you\u2019re too sweet to say, \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0Are You Too Nice To Say \u201cNo?\u201d Enjoy!<\/em><\/p>\n

* * *<\/p>\n

At present, I find myself overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion with requests for help.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course, it\u2019s gratifying to be sought after for my expertise in something. That in and of itself is a reward. This demand has been especially challenging for me as an author.<\/p>\n

Once I got known for my abilities to recognize good writing as in a critiquing or editing situation, the abundance of requests to read someone else\u2019s manuscript and give feedback came from all sides. But that\u2019s not all.<\/p>\n

I joined a number of different writing groups both local and online — and you should if you want to further your career — but what happened when the leaders of these writing groups approached me, and begged me to serve within their leadership thus reducing my writing time?<\/p>\n

Of course, I took a moment, assessed all the requests for my time and give them a firm \u2026 \u201cYes.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

I know. You\u2019re asking yourself, \u201cWhat\u2019s up with that?\u201d I\u2019ll give you a for instance<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I belong to my local county writers\u2019 club. This club has been in existence since 1933. It has a long standing tradition of producing a wide variety of writing from fiction to poetry to memoir, and we have three contests for each form of writing during the year. I joined in 2011 because I wanted to submit a story for their short story contest. I didn\u2019t win, by the way.<\/p>\n

Time passed and I got to know the leadership of the club and was invited to become their Social Media Manager.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My responsibilities consisted of creating and maintaining a Facebook group for the club which anyone can join. It\u2019s been a great opportunity for exposure for the club and myself. I enjoy the posting of club happenings and of sharing great writing instructional posts<\/a>. As the Manager of our Social Media, I was able to attend the board meetings and participate in the leadership of the club.<\/p>\n

I grew to love the people of the club and enjoyed the feelings of being important.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is something that, as a shy writer I hadn\u2019t experienced much. Most of the time, I\u2019m in my home office, or out with my laptop writing in a solitary situation.<\/p>\n

Leadership, and the perks that come with such a position, were gratifying.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In August 2014, the current newsletter editor moved away leaving the position open. I volunteered.<\/strong><\/p>\n

After three years of producing a sixteen-page, full-color, high-quality newsletter, and writing at least two articles for it every month, I got tired and worn out.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m not going to lie; there was a boost to the ego involved here. Even if no one told me I was doing a great job, or that the newsletter was the best it\u2019s ever been, my need to feel important was fueled. \u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I also volunteered to assist with the production of the club\u2019s bi-annual anthology and ended up running the whole show<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

For me, this was another great opportunity to be immortalized.<\/h3>\n

I\u2019m not sure I realized that\u2019s what I craved, but over time, I could see that being in charge and publishing an anthology from start to finish by myself was a big, self-indulgent building block to my burgeoning ego.<\/p>\n

\"\"Then came the invitations to work for some of my online groups.<\/strong><\/p>\n

A V.P. of Communications \/ Membership for one, Facebook manager for two more, co-admin in one large group, and president of another online group. If I turned these folks down, I might have more peace and quiet in my life, but I draw strength from being needed and depended upon, because I wasn\u2019t getting my ego stroked in other ways.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t long until I noticed a shocking result of my heavy-duty volunteerism.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t writing anymore.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t have time to write. I\u2019d stopped creating with the same passion as I started writing with all those years ago when I cranked out six novels in six months. Those were the days.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d let the need to be needed<\/strong> override my passion to create, and I fell into a writer\u2019s depression of sorts.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t that I couldn\u2019t create\u2014I still wrote a book every November, every NaNoWriMo season, but nothing in the in-between months. I\u2019d lost my spark, and my Muse, Ellara<\/em>, who\u2019s partial to 70s soft rock and John Denver music, took off. (Hey, she\u2019s my Muse. Get your own!)<\/p>\n

Things needed to change and quickly.<\/p>\n

Say \u201cNo?\u201d<\/h2>\n

How do you know when it\u2019s okay to say \u201cno, thank you?\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019re an author, but you\u2019re not writing, then it\u2019s okay to say, \u201cNo, thanks.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

If you find yourself, like me, overburdened with requests for help, you need to take a step back, analyze your situation, and judge for yourself.<\/p>\n

Here’s some questions to guide you in this analysis:<\/h3>\n